


i prefer to blame others, it's easier (king me)

by makemelovely



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sex, Infidelity, Non-Linear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18043466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: Serena looks at Blair like she hangs the stars, and Blair pretends she did everything right.





	i prefer to blame others, it's easier (king me)

**Author's Note:**

> title from war of the foxes by richard siken

 

Serena leaves, and Blair knows it's not her fault even though Serena sent her one last letter. A love letter, S had called it. Blair threw it in the fire, and smiled while it burned. She pictured herself a scorned lover without the lover part.

 

(A little part of her feels guilty, but she doesn't want to think about that.)

 

* * *

 

Blair had hissed words at Serena, cruel and cold while staring down at the blonde head inbetween her thighs.

 

They had curled up in Blair's bed afterwards, soft and tender.

 

Her limbs are all tangled up in Serena's, their bodies pressed so closely together that she wonders if she's actually Serena and not Blair.

 

Blair presses a kiss to Serena's hair, and ignores the wetness on her sleeve. She hasn't done anything wrong.

 

* * *

 

"Can we still be best friends?" Blair asks, tears bright in her eyes. She clinging to Serena, fingernails digging into her arms.

 

 

Serena detaches her gently, hands lingering on her elbows before ultimately pulling away. "Of course." She says, but her eyes say something different. _I can't look at you right now, and we'll never be the same,_ her eyes say.

 

 

* * *

 

Blair kisses Nate, and twenty minutes later Serena pulls her into a secluded corner.

 

 

"Serena!" Blair hisses, eyes darting wildly to her boyfriend who is talking with Chuck.

 

 

Serena laughs, the sound light and bubbly and champagne heavy and drunk on life. Well, maybe just drunk if Blair is being honest to herself. "He's not paying any attention to you, B." She says. The words are like a punch to the stomach. "Let me pay attention to you, alright?" She pushes forward, tilting her body even closer to Blair's.

 

 

Serena presses a kiss to the hollow between her collarbones that lingers, and Blair lets her.

 

 

"Poor B, all neglected," Serena breathes, warm air puffing against Blair's skin. She looks over at Nate who seems utterly fascinated by Chuck. "I can make it up to you if you'd let me." Serena promises earnestly, gazing up at Blair with dark blue eyes.

 

 

_Nate is talking to Chuck,_ Blair rationalizes it to herself. _Serena and I are in a dark corner where nobody can see us. Everything will be fine._

 

 

Blair pulls Serena up to meet her, teeth clashing almost violently as their lips meet. Serena's mouth is sticky sweet, and their lips glide against each other as they kiss frantically.

 

 

Serena pulls away abruptly, ducking back when Blair presses forward to recapture her mouth. She drops to her knees, hands steady on Blair's knees as she looks up at the brunette. "I said I'd take care of you." Serena reminds her, inching Blair's dress up before she pulls down Blair's underwear.

 

 

Blair sees stars when Serena's tongue flicks against her, but she really sees heaven when she looks down to see golden hair against her thighs while Serena busies herself by giving Blair orgasm after orgasm.

 

 

(She feels a little guilty when Serena has to sleep with some loser boy who's a little too high to get off, but it's not like she could just drop to her knees at some random party to give Serena some head. She has _standards_ after all. It's not _her_ fault that Serena willingly degraded herself like that.)

 

 

(On the ride home in her limo, Nate rubs circles on her inner thigh. He smells like weed, and Chuck is leering at her from the other side of the limo. It's then that she realizes she left her panties on the floor at the party.)

 

 

* * *

 

 

Serena's name flashes across her phone, and Blair considers not answering it. She debates it for a moment before answering coldly. "Hello, S." Blair says. "How's your new boarding school? Fantastic, I bet. So great that you had to leave without saying goodbye." She mutters into the phone.

 

 

Her icy demeanor melts when Serena sniffles, and the fact that she's crying slaps Serena across the face. "Serena?" She says quietly.

 

 

"I made a mistake." Serena whimpers. "I'm sorry, B, I'm so sorry." She apologizes tearfully, and something shifts inside of Blair.

 

 

"What did you do?" Blair whispers because there's no doubt in her mind that Serena fucked something up.

 

 

There's a tense moment of silence before Serena speaks again. "I slept with Nate." She admits.

 

 

Something crumbles within Blair, parts of her heart flaking off into ash.

 

 

"B? Say something. It happened at the Shepherd Wedding, and I was _so_ drunk, and I'm _sorry._ Please say some-" Serena's voice is tinny when Blair hangs up on her.

 

 

Blair throws her phone under her pillow to stifle the incessant buzzing of Serena trying to get a hold of her. She numbly pulls out her laptop before messaging Gossip Girl.

 

 

_Serena and Nate slept together at the Shepherd Wedding._

 

 

She hits send, and shuts her laptop off. She sits at her desk, dark red fingernails tapping against the desk. This is _not_ her fault. Serena and Nate did this.

 

 

Serena and Nate _made_ her do this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Can we still be friends?" Blair asks after their millionth fight, after their millionth night sharing a bed and their bodies.

 

 

Serena looks at her, eyes wet and hair looking flawless. Blair hates her, just a little bit. "We were never really friends, though, were we?" She asks, voice thick with an ache that Blair has never known how to heal.

 

 

"I suppose not." Blair murmurs, and watches Serena leave.


End file.
